Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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