There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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