What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
