fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
