I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
