Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
