soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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