about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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