He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
