Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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