I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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