meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
COCAINE IS GR8
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