Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
