Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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