I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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