its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
the raccoons are back...
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