Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
