nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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