I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
