Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sponge bath it is.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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