Even the bartender felt bad for me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
