Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
