Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
