i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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