i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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