i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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