I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
