I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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