I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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