She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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