We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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