Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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