We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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