I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
