i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
