I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
