I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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