I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize