i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
