you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
