My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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