for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
