I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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