Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
