I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
