My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
