My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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