i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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