i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
