Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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