you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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