i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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