chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my being single is dangerous.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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