Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
