I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
