Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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