I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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