you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
