I want to make a zoo with you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize