Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Randomize
